In a funk...

I worry too much. I've know that fact all my life, but only recently have I had one of my spells of worry - a period of time when my mind is practically consumed with uncertainty about the future and insecurities facing me in the present. And it has me emotionally exhausted. It seems like I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past 3 or 4 months. And I want to get off - I just don't seem to know how.

Right now I am in one of those 'valley' periods in the journey or life (aka: depressed and stressed). I went to bed last night thinking, I really don't want to get up in the morning only to face the list of 18 or 20 (literally) things I have to do.... It's always a bad sign when you don't want to get up in the morning.

I know that depression comes from self-pity. And I know that I would do well to heed the words of Christ and stop worrying about the future. And I know that God loves me. And I know that I am richly blessed to receive the grace of God instead of what I really deserve. And I know that this is only one time and set of circumstances in a lifetime of different time periods and circumstances. For the last couple days, though, I've been too wrapped up in self-pity to humble myself and do what I need to do: surrender everything to God, trust Him, and allow Him to truly be All-In-All. Anyway, I would really appreciate your prayers right now. Please pray that I would stop being so stubborn in trying to live on my own strength, that I would be more others-centered than self-centered, and that I would learn to trust God to provide in His own timing and as He sees fit.

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting braces. And about college. And about getting licensed, as well as getting a working car. And about getting a job. Those things have been some of the greatest sources of stress in my life during the last couple weeks. It's difficult to explain why some of them are so stressful for me... it often centers around finances and the lack there of... but it's always deeper than that. Life just seems incredibly complicated right now. It's times like these when I wish I had a magic wand that would fix everything for me in a flash, ya' know?

P.S. I'm sorry this update has a winy tone to it. I've recently decided that it's a necessary thing to let others carry my mat for me sometimes (although Erin is probably the only one who knows exactly what I'm talking about when I use the words "carry my mat" ;-)) - thus this honest look into my heart. I'm actually smiling as I finish the post, because I know that things are going to get brighter soon (though maybe not clearer or easier)... it's just going to take some time.