on (not) giving up

It was 7 years ago today that I was stood outside of a polling place near St. Louis, MO. I held a sign for congressional candidate Bill Federer for nearly 13 hours straight. The day had started at 5:00am, and it was cold. It was also doing this strange half-raining/half-spitting thing. And I had forgotten to bring a coat.

That was one of the most character building days of my life. Nothing horrible happened. There were a few rude college girls, but other than that, everyone was pretty pleasant. I was just cold and tired. At some point I realized that - given the choice - I wanted to give in. I wanted to go inside where it was warn and sit down. But I didn't, because I believed that what I was doing was important.

My two greatest comforts that day were 1) a cup of bad - but hot - coffee, and 2) a borrowed coat. A local couple had stopped to talk to me, realized how cold I was, and went back to their home and brought me a coat to wear for the day. They didn't know me. They probably weren't 100% sure that I would bring it back (even though he gave me a business card with their address). And they probably didn't know that their act of kindness is what kept me going that day. But they gave it to me anyway, and I made sure they got it back.

Fast forward almost 4 years later, and I'm finishing up my freshman year at Bryan college as a Biology major. It had been a rough year. My grades weren't bad, but I had given up a lot of sleep to make sure it stayed that way. As my good friend N once said, "It's killing me, but I love it." I was exhausted, more than a little frustrated, and ready to give up. I love learning and I loved biology - but I was ready to quit. What was that other place I had been interested in high school? Culinary school? That sounded a little less stressful. What about community college? Lots of great people go to community college.

I went back and spent one more semester as a Biology major before switching to Psychology. In some ways, that part did feel like giving up:  I switched from a more "demanding" major to a less "demanding" major. It was the right thing to do, and I know that now as much as I knew it then.

It's impossible to count the number of times that I felt like giving up, in small or big ways, from the day that I stepped onto campus until the day that I finished classes nearly a year ago. But, by the grace of God and the support of my family and friends, I never did. It's only when I look back now that I realize how incredibly important that is.

Recently I've been thinking about giving up again. It's one of those season. Relationships have hit some rough patches. It seems like there's drama everywhere I turn. My thinking has been teetering dangerously on the negative. Either almost everything or almost nothing will change in the next 2 months. I'm convinced that I don't have energy to deal with everything right now. But I have to believe that the right thing to do is to not give up. Some things - like meaningful work and deep friendships - are worth fighting for even when we're tired. So I will be praying for strength, and the patience and faith to not give up.