forgiveness

Forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately. Mostly because of my awareness of how bad I am at it. I may have said before, but if I had to name my two biggest weaknesses, they would be jealousy and unforgiveness. They're related, for sure. But recently I've been rather convicted in my lack of willingness to forgive... quickly or completely.

My friends, wonderful creatures that they are, are not perfect. Sometimes they do and say hurtful things. Most of the time I can believe that these things are unintentional. But sometimes I can't help but feel that there's a tiny bit of intentionality behind it. In response, I be glad to hold onto the anger that comes so easily when I've been hurt. I would really like to just say:  forget this, I don't need this (person, conversation, drama, emotional baggage - you name it). But if I were to follow my feelings in every conflict, every slight, every moment when something doesn't sit right... it would eventually become a very lonely road. And I think God knows that, and that's why He has such stern things to say about forgiveness (Matthew 6:14-15).

It's difficult for me, knowing how to forgive someone whom I plan on having a friendship or some form of relationship with for the rest of my life. Shouldn't I be a little more distant, so they know that that hurt and it was definitely not ok? A little wiser? A little less quick to be honest?

If I've really forgive someone, I have to believe that I would be willing love them without question. I think I would be able to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and even if I know for a fact that I can't love another person perfectly, I think I would be ok with asking God to help me try to do better. If there's a part of me that doesn't want to do that, I have to question whether I've really forgiven them or not.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B. Smedes